One year ago today I moved into my own apartment! I had never lived alone before in my life. I went from my parent's house then got married so I lived with my husband. Then when I moved out of my house, I lived with my mom for about 6 weeks. I won't lie, I was scared to death. I was also kind of excited. Not many 35 (at the time) year old women have never lived on their own before. It was a new fresh start for me.
It has been a VERY interesting year. I was a little scared at first, but now, to be honest, I can't imagine living with anyone but Kendall HAHA!! I like my space. I like that I can decorate however I want. I like leaving a mess if I want to. I am not a messy person, but from time to time when I am either super lazy or super busy, the place will be a mess. Earlier this week, it was CODE RED!!! So bad that when Kendall came home from her dad's last night the first words out of her mouth were "WHOA, this is clean" HAHAHAHAH...the sad part is that it wasn't really all that clean......
I have run the gamete of emotions this year. I have loved, lost, cried, hurt, laughed, danced, sang, smiled, and now, on this one year anniversary, I can truly say that I am unbelievably happy! I am the happiest I have been in months!!! For a little bit, I was worried, but I am SO GREAT! It is just me and Kendall and I realized besides friends and family, that is all I really need!!! I don't want to be alone forever, but I know that I am NOT ready to share my life with anyone else! I did it. It was an amazing time. I am still at a complete loss of what happened, but I am glad I had the time that I did. It was fun and I learned to love again. BUT, I am pretty happy just with myself and my ladybug! We do what we want when we want and I am not willing to compromise that (note: I never sacrificed this once since I separated from my husband). I gave up too much of myself when I was married and I am never going to do that again. I want my daughter to be a strong and independent woman and for her to be able to do that, I need to set an example.
Don't get me wrong, I am not some crazy feminist HAHA! I will lean on people when I need them (my friends can attest to this), BUT, I also want her to know how important it is to be able to support herself and not have to depend on ANYONE to make her happy. You have to find happiness within yourself and if someone is making you unhappy, then you need to move on!! Don't let anyone steal who you are. One of my favorite quotes is "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind." I believe that! If someone doesn't love you for who you are, then you don't need them! It took me a LOOONNGGGG time to really figure this process out, but now, that is how I choose to live my life. I miss relationships that I had in the past, but I am no longer willing to compromise who I am for anyone!
I can't believe I made it an entire year! It has been the fastest and longest of my life. I would not trade one single day. I am in the best shape I probably have ever been in life and honestly, the best place I have ever been emotionally! Evidently June is MY month. For the past several years, June has proved to be a time of change in my life and I think I have made it out OK!
I have great plans for the weekend with friends and family and my baby girl comes back home on Monday!! Who could ask for more?? Someday my prince will come, but I am in no hurry!! and to close with a quote from one of my favorite songs...
My best days are ahead of me!!!!!!!!
Have a great weekend y'all!!!!!