Goals for 2010

I had many goals for 2010. Some I accomplished, others, not so much. Here is where I stand...

I wanted to get a teaching job for the fall. FAIL - I ended up losing my job in June and having to student teach to get my teaching cert. At the end of the day I am a fully certified teacher no matter how it came. Still not employed though...

Wanted to lose 25 lbs. I did not lose any - FAIL. I guess I will try again this year. For REAL!!

Wanted to train to run a half-marathon. Started, quit - FAIL. I don't even know what happened here...I think it started when I was not accepted into the race. Our group did not win a spot in the lottery. Which sucks. I could have done race for a reason, but you had to raise money and if you didn't raise the amount of $ you agreed to then you are responsible. Well, with no job, I just could not take that risk. So I gave up. LOSER!!! I just gave up and quit running.

I wanted to make myself happy. FAIL. I am not happy. There are many reasons for this, but I am not ready to list them yet. Some have to do with the above, some don't.

I did follow through with wearing make-up more often. And reading my 26 books for the year (BARELY - just finished one today!!!)!!! I did accomplish a little, but going into 2011, I am feeling like a GIANT FAILURE!!!!

Here are my 26 books:
1. Dear John Nicholas Sparks
2. A Long Way Down Nick Hornsby
3. True Believer Nicolas Sparks
4. Barefoot Elin Hildebrand
5. Eat, Love, Pray Elizabeth Gilbert
6. The Lovely Bones Alice Sebold
7. A Walk to Remember Nicholas Sparks
8. The Last Song Nicholas Sparks
9. Lucky Alice Sebold
10. Almost Moon Alice Sebold
11. Crossings Danielle Steele
12. Message in a Bottle Nicholas Sparks
13. The Chris Farley Show Tom Farley
14. How to be Lost Amanda Eyre Ward
15. Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas James Patterson
16. Sam's Letters for Jennifer James Patterson
17. The Last White Knight Tami Hoag
18. 1st to Die James Patterson
19. 2nd Chance James Patterson
20. 3rd Degree James Patterson
21. 4th of July James Patterson
22. 5th Horsemen James Patterson
23. 6th Target James Patterson
24. 7th Heaven James Patterson
25. The Choice Nicholas SParks
26. 8th Confession James Patterson


WHEW!!!!! OK, more to come later on resolutions for 2011. There is a list and I have some pretty high expectations for myself. Let's hope I can do it!!

So, for 2011, HERE COMES THE SUN!!!

<3 Niki

Post Christmas Post :)

We had a great Christmas! I am having a hard time believing that it was K's SIXTH already!!! I can't believe she is growing so fast. My brother came into town for Christmas this year and on the 23rd we had a huge family dinner. It was very nice!! I really enjoy when all of us are together! It was Jose's in Dayton. It was nothing fancy but pretty yummy!

On Christmas eve we did a bunch of nothing. Kendall and I baked alllll day! We made pumpkin bread and cinnamon streussel muffins for breakfast. We made snickerdoodles for Mrs. Claus - this is what she prefers - she told us so (more on that later) and we made yummy delicious Mommy's famous chocolate chip cookies for Santa. I can't tell you the secret, but they are the best in the WORLD :). Then we watched some Christmas movies. She chose "The Night Before the Night Before Christmas" and "Santa Buddies". Two things to note. I have a book that I love called "The Night Before the Night Before Christmas". The movies was NOT the same. It was a little lame. The head elf got confused and sent Santa out on 12/23 instead and a crazy debacle ensued! Also, "Santa Buddies" is a the sequel to "Santa Paws" even though Buddies came out before Paws... Evidently K knew about this!!! It was a shock to me :)

We got up and went to see what Santa brought us! Santa filled Daddy and my stocking and he brought K a giant unicorn pillow pet, a walking puppy, Just Dance 2, and a crib for her favorite baby, Alexa (named for her BFF's little sister). Her stocking was all full of fun stuff!! Around 12:30 we arrived at Granny's and had Christmas there. We got lots of goodies there too!!! We had steaks and baked potatoes and relaxed. It was nice for K and my brother to get to know each other better. She really loves him!!

We came home and relaxed and played toys and later went and got some food from Jack-in-the-Box. Yesterday we did more nothing. We cleaned and played and had so much fun. It was so nice to let her play. About 8pm I checked K's tooth that has been loose! It was SOOOO loose. A few days before Christmas we were playing and she grabbed my fist and kind of punched herself with it. It really knocked it! Last night it was so wiggly. Her and I went into the bathroom and we wiggled it and jiggled it. She was very stressed. There were tears and snot and deep breaths. It was very dramatic. She was so brave! At this point it was hanging on by a thread!!! Finally I said, "You have one minute to decide who is going to pull it, you are me?" I started timing her - she was so cute - she was saying "mommy, me, mommy, me" after about 25 seconds, she asked if her time was up. I told her she had about 30 seconds left and she said "OK mom, you pull it." We had Daddy come in the bathroom to come hold her hand. He was letting her lean on him and she had Lulu in the other hand. She was trying SO hard. For a few minutes she would not hold her head still. Finally I had her put her forehead on Daddy's shoulder and turn her head to me. He held her tight so she would not move too much. I got a hold of it and popped it right out! I said "It's OUT!" and she looked at me with this shocked look and said "It's out??" We cheered and clapped and took pics and called Granny! It was SO fun and cute and a little heartbreaking! I can't believe how stinking cute she it with that little hole in her face :) We had promised her is she got it out we would take the puppies for a ride and go get her a shake. We finally got on our way after all the tooth whoopla and getting ready for the tooth fairy! She chose a blue slushie from Sonic! She drank MAYBE three sips! But, she got her prize!

The thing aside from getting $5 from the Tooth Fairy that she is most excited about is getting back to school and telling Mrs. McIntosh about her tooth and getting to write her name on the tooth on the wall!!!! In her classroom there is a tooth that you get to write your name on if you lose your tooth in that month. She has another one right behind it so she might have a December and a January tooth!

Today we were supposed to go to the zoo with Jayme, Ryan, and Saira, but it was really cold today and the kids all had runny noses so we postponed until Thursday!! Today we got out and went to Lonestar Scrapbook - they are going out of business and were having a 70% off sale! I spent $28.50 (that means I saved $66.50 - YAY!). We went shopping for Daddy to spend some clothes money he got for Christmas. We only thought he had a $100 gift card and when we paid we found out it was really $150! SCORE. On the way home we took K to Wal-Mart (her choice) to spend her Christmas/tooth-fairy/allowance $$$. She had $83 accumulated!! She got a small Rapunzel tower, a pack of Rapunzel people, a teacup pig, a Tinkerbell fairy tree, and some fairy friends!! She was very proud of her purchases!

We took her to Sweet Tomatoes for lunch and she loved it! The girl put away some food! She loved that she could go back for more and since she is a salad junkie it was right up her alley!!

Tomorrow we are going to Hobby Lobby (for MOMMY) and to take K to see Tangled! Can't wait. I posted on FB earlier that my house is a mess and it is stressing me but I am trying really hard to let it go and to let her enjoy being 5 and being on Christmas vacation. I am not thankful I don't have a job for January, but I am thankful that I have had this awesome Christmas vacation with her! She is having a BLAST!! Only 7 more vacation days :( We are going to make sure we have FUN!!!

Here comes the sun!!!!!

Niki

Things...

Well, I have good news and I have bad news! Chris and I are 100% fully certified teachers, BUT neither one of us have jobs...So the question is: NOW WHAT?? One of us MUST get a job. There are no if, ands, or buts about it. We need an income. Now the problem is finding one. There are very few teaching jobs out there right now so I guess we have to get another type of job. I am SO stressed you can't believe it. So, the good news is that I am finally a teacher but the bad news is that I am not a teacher! GRRRRRRRRRRR

In other recent news, Kendall has TWO loose teeth!!!!! She told me on Tuesday that a tooth was hurting. The last time she said this was a few months ago and she said it was hurting in the back. I kind of forgot about it and several weeks later when helping her brush her teeth, I saw a new molar on each side on the top that had come in. This time I told her I would check it and I forgot. Wednesday I remembered while we were at dinner with Granny and Pawpaw. I asked her which one it was and she said it was in the front on the bottom. I looked at them. You can CLEARLY see the one that is the loosest. It has kind of moved and separated from the others. I started to cry at dinner. This is just another huge step in her growing up and not being a baby anymore!! A few minutes later I checked it again and the one next to it looked loose too. So, I checked it and it WAS!!! It was so amazing!!!! Now I am on the hunt for a tooth fairy pillow and the book called "The Night Before the Toothfairy."

I said goodbye to my kids today. I thought I would cry, but they gave me a huge group hug so it helped alot!!!! My mentor was kind of like whatever - it was awkward. I am glad to be done and ready for a class of my own. After I left, I went over to K's school for her Christmas party. She had no idea I was coming. She thought I had to work the whole day. She was SO surprised when I came in! It was awesome. I helped the room mom and Mrs. McIntosh with the party and all and loved spending that sweet special time with my girl. I took a jillion pics. I just need to download them. It was super fun and again, another milestone gone by.

She had Polar Express day yesterday. She got to wear jammies to school and they got to go listen to the story being read and then went back to her classroom for hot cocoa and watched the movie. She had such a great time. She took Lulu with her to school too and they had matching jammies on. They wore super cute red sleep dresses with gingerbread men all over them! Mrs. McIntosh even sent her to the other classes to show her and Lulu's matching outfits.

I can't believe winter break is here already!!!!! Too bad I can't relax too much! MUST FIND JOB!!!! We have some super fun things coming up over the holidays!!

HAVE A GOOD CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!

Here comes the sun...

Niki

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OK, so sometimes I feel that I am failing at EVERYTHING!!! Today has not helped. I have felt like I failed professionally. Two people in my student teaching group have gotten jobs. Why haven't I?? I have put myself out there and NOTHING! These are two people that don't even NEED a job! Which is one thing I do need!!!!!

I also feel like I am constantly failing as a wife. I feel I am never enough no matter how hard I try! IT SUCKS!!!!! I admit, I am not perfect, but when I do try and it still doesn't cut the mustard, it is sad and puts this weight on my chest like you can't believe!!!

Sometimes I feel like I fail as a parent. I did not feel this today, but I do feel it and sometimes often.

My last failure of the day is stupid RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!! I am trying to be a good person and make them for my good friends at the teacher meeting tomorrow and I tried to do something fancy and use the microwave directions. CAUTION!!!! Do not do this!!! My butter burned and the marshmallows did not melt all the way. I had to throw the first batch away. So, now I am on batch 2 and doing it the traditional way. I just am so down right now. Is it EVER going to get better???? I can't breath, I can't sleep. I can hardly eat. You would think that I would have lost more weight by now. I have NO idea what my future holds and it SUCKS!!!

All I can do is pray and ask my friends to pay that better things happen for me in 2011!!!

In the meantime I am trying to remember my mantra: "Love is all you need"...it is not working - thinking I need a new mantra. SOOOOOO without further adue...

Here Comes the Sun!!!!!!!!

:) Niki

December!!!!

It is December again!!! We had a great Thanksgiving us just here at home. We made a turkey and some sides and talked about the things we are thankful for. Over that weekend we went to Santa's Wonderland. We have been in the past, but Kendall did not remember it so it was like going for the first time all over again!!!

December is stacking up and is busy already. Kendall and I went to the Grinch on the 5th with Granny and she LOVED it. She has never seen the movie or read the book but had an idea what is was about. It was SO cute!!! I loved it and she did too. This is my last week of teaching for my student teaching. I have had some hard times and thought about giving up through this whole process. I think I was just really overwhelmed that I was being watched EVERY day... I am not good with pressure and someone watching over me. I am glad I am done and can get my own classroom now. When that will happen, who knows!! I have to observe three days next week and have two days of meetings and then I will be a FULLY CERTIFIED TEACHER!!!! You can't imagine how long I have been waiting to say those words. A decade maybe?????? Chris is done too and he is working on getting a job as well. I am stressed beyond all belief so we will see how the next month unfolds and PRAY, PRAY, PRAY!!!!

Kendall had her Girl Scouts Investiture Ceremony tonight! I am the troop leader. I think I did a good job :) The girls loved it and did SO well and followed directions!! BUT, all the moms AND dads and Siblings were there so it was stressful because I was being "watched". I want the parents to think I am doing a good job.

I have a problem sometimes with what people think of me. Not so much as a person, but the work I do. I try my hardest to do a great job and I want people to see that. I think that is why I was so overwhelmed with this student teaching thing. I don't take criticism well and there are times when you absolutely need to be, constructively, of course, but in the long run it is still criticism!!!

Tomorrow is the Winter Wonderland at K's school! It is going to be so fun! They are having food there and Santa and crafts and games! She is excited and I am too.

As for me overall, I feel very overwhelmed and pretty sad alot of the time. I try to be the best that I can be at everything I do and I DON'T live criticism (I know, I am ranting) but when someone in your life constantly is telling you that you are wrong and this person is full of negativity but does not see it, then you are going to have so many emotions. I love this person with all my heart, but GRRRRRRRR. I am so tired or being hurt!!!

Anyway, I will post more soon!!

Remember, Love is all you need...