Saturday, June 25, 2011


I am getting close to being done getting all my crap out of the house. Just need to work on a storage unit to get the stuff that didn't fit in my HUGE apartment LOL!!

Kendall and I will be out of town next week so I will get the storage unit and get that stuff out shortly after we get back.

I feel like rambling today.

I have a headache.

My friends are all at a scrapbook retreat this weekend. I was responsible and didn't go to save money for next week's trip.

NKOTBSB is tonight. I am going but I am just not in the mood. Maybe it will change once I get there, but I really just want to stay on the couch.

I FREAKING LOVE THE MUSIC CHANNELS ON DIRECTV (well 814 - modern country) to be exact. It is on ALL the time when I am here alone. I love music - it is in my soul, but country has my heart. It made me who I am today.

Who am I today?? Well, I am working on trying to believe in myself. I have some really great people helping me on my journey. They actually see me for who I am. Some of them tell me regularly that I am awesome. The problem is...well, I just don't believe them. I have been told for so long that I am not so that is kind of where my head is. I was even told again today how worthless and pathetic I was as a parent and a person. This person has been telling me this for YEARS. Case in point as to WHY I am divorcing said person...I just wish I would NOT let it get to me. I don't care what he thinks, but it still stings. I guess when you hear something for so long from the person that is supposed to love you most in the world, it sticks...

OK, enough of my yammering on. I miss my bug! She is with her daddy until Wednesday afternoon when I pick her up to head to the airport...That is a LONG time away. But, I have her for 6 days straight for the trip so it is fair.

On July 11th we start our new visitation schedule. He will get her from daycare that Monday after work and keep her until the next Monday morning except for Wednesday which is the other parent's day. Then, on the 18th we switch and I pick her up from school and have her until the next Monday morning except for Wednesday.

I am going to miss her. I don't really know how I am going to spend all this time with just me. I have never had so much time alone before. I don't want to go "out" or party or anything. That is not who I am, but I may hit dinner or a movie with friends.

I feel like crying today.

I don't really know why...

Well, I better go get ready for this concert.


Here comes the sun...

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